Regarding the Peculiar Events that Befell the Knight of Diligence on Ol' Hallow's Eve

Dionysian enchantment has once again proven to be one of the worthiest adversaries ever faced! I woke up, blinded by an immense headache and then spent the next 15 minutes trying to regain my sight despite the mighty hammer of Thor reigning terror in my cranium. Perhaps he mistook the vastness of my knowledge with that of the great Jormundgard's whopping expanse!
Once I shook this blindness, I decided the best way to begin this adventure in Hangover curing was to wash myself clean of the debauchery that bathed me in filth only a few hours prior. Disrobing, I noticed that there were markings so foreign to my person (however familiar to my character). The words "Fucking" and "Elite", as if by magic, had been scrolled across my torso! These foul beasts of Dionysian enchantment! Equally as mysterious was the lipgloss that I found in my back pocket. No rest for these merciless scoundrels and their ceaseless chicanery!
While preparing the morning's spoils: a bacon, egg and spinach omelet, I had some time to think about what evidence I could obtain in order to accurately recount the mysterious goings-on of last night. Immediately, as the light bulb in my head did click, so did the hope for clarity! Video footage! Vague images popped in my head of sexy cowgirls, chisled giants and oh no...! tabatas air squats/beer chugs in my underwear! One of many tasks this hero had to perform, though unfortunately, the history in my head has been erased by these enchanters and their magical memory erasing abilities which are no match for even the most valiant of knights in all the history of knight errantry.
This morning leaves me with not much to be recalled, however I can safely deduce that having woken up this morning, I have successfully completed all challenges faced and have somewhere along some lines, righted some wrongs and helped out some damsels in distress while adorning my suit of body armor. Therefore, with the satisfactory knowledge of having survived these adventures, I deem myself the victor, though my head resounds differently. All day I have been in a fog but finally, I have decided that there is only one way I am going to surmount these fell remnants of Dionysian enchantment and that is to journey to the Castle of Lobo and celebrate my amazing feats by gluttonously gorging on a mammoth plate of breakfast tacos filled with egg, cheese, guacamole, rice, beans and salsa.

The Knight of Diligence 1, Hangover 0.