07 November 2009

Concerning the Standardized Joust between our Knight of Diligence and the Wretched Giant of Prometria in the Province of Midtown Eastphalia.

Our history begins after the Knight of Diligence overcame the enchantment of Dionysus and recounts the tale of how our bold and dauntless hero slayed the GRE giant. The courageous Knight of Diligence began his journey to meet the Giant of Prometria, which is said to be near the province of Midtown Eastphalia. Adorning himself in his armor, refulgent and true, he packed his provisions and with his trusty instruments of battle, set off into the cold, and miserable streets of Nueva Yorkshire in search of this reckless behemoth described only by third parties, since the second and first never possessed the fortune of having survived their encounters. Tales of this giant and its mammoth stature and unholy acts stretch worldwide, particularly in those cultures and communities where standardized jousting is considered an academic rite of passage.
Our history shows that our doughty hero blazed through the streets of Nueva Yorkshire in search of this feared, ill-bred beast in order to vanquish this monster and in doing so, right some wrongs, assist damsels in distress and kill as many chivalrous birds with as little stones possible. His first trial en route to destroying this beast's world was the disruption in underground service to Midtown Eastphalia! With little time before the beast would render itself unavailable for battle, our hero rushed back to his campground to retrieve his steel pony and ride it into the sunrise of Neuva Yorkshire to the province of Midtown Eastphalia. Even at the risk of expending such necessary energy, it was crucial that our hero made it in time! At this point, a carriage was hailed and in his native tongue, our hero was able to convince this carriage driver to drive him to the beast that paralyzed the bodies which carried the ears that received this cursed name.
Upon arriving to the province of Midtown Eastphalia, our valiant Knight of Diligence turned down his iPod and dug into his bag of provisions for a snack that would give him some extra energy during this standardized joust. He could hear the palpitations of a foul heart and the noxious odor of the body this heart gave life to. Oh how he couldn't wait to exterminate this heart with a few quick thrusts with his trusty lance.
Peregrinating through Prometria, our hero successfully completed the tasks of identifying himself by his birth name to the ugly and tall security guardian at the front desk, and then checking into the jousting center, and even found a minute to help a damsel in distress as he picked up an article of clothing that fell from her locker. After completing these feats, our hero drew his lance and mounted his desk chair finally ready to vanquish this soulless villain of Prometria. Face to face, our antagonist stood not as tall as your average giant, and definitely not as foul or odorous. In actuality, our antagonist, porcelain of skin-tone and rather aloof looking, resembled a machine with its astonishingly digital gait. Not wishing to prolong this cowardly computer-looking wretch's inevitable lashing, our hero boldly hit "proceed" and this joust began!
Because of tight security, no one can tell with certainty what occurred in this jousting center of Prometria, but one can safely assume that myriad feats of chivalry were performed, wrongs were righted and more damsels in distress were helped when they took notice of our hero running out of the testing center with such elation, that surely our fell beast, however robotic of gait, would have smiled. This history, as recounted by the trustworthy and venerable Herodoltus, suggests that our hero thoroughly undressed the giant and proceeded to destroy him with swift swings of his sword and powerful thrusts of his lance. The story recounts that our hero pinked this giant approximately 1,280 times in various parts of its inhuman anatomy.
This is where our history of the slaying of the Giant of Prometria leaves off. We do not know what boons were received or adventures our hero engaged in after this epic standardized joust, but one can surely surmise, given our Knight's misfortune that he, the gallant Knight of Diligence, was possessed once again by the spirit of Dionysus and his magical enchantments.

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